Ok so my ego is still bruised and I don't think I have fully recovered from my disaster of a date-aftermath ... yet.
I have come to the conclusion that personality is just not enough for most and although now I have kicked myself in many places I just have to come to accept what I have done ... that is not putting an effort into first impressions.
Well I am definitely rusty, so now I am beginning to think that yes there is a purpose and reason why women take hours to get ready when I do it in twenty minutes tops. Hair, nails, face, outfit - I have come to believe that maybe I have forgotten how to be and how to act like a single woman.
I could very well live the rest of my days being with just me - alone. I don't really know how to act other than acting myself and from what I have experienced over the last few days, and perhaps even months, it's just not good enough if you really do want to get to the stage of being wanted or even looked at.
Gone are the days when I could just head out and let my craziness attract whomever I attract, these days, now in the midst of my dirty thirties, I just find that it is so much harder and you can't just be yourself.
More games to play, harder games, more time to take in your appearance, more flaws to hide in order to project the perception of being some sort of 'wanted'.
I can't just rock out in thongs anymore, I can't leave the house without a bit of powder on, and finished with a lip gloss prettier than the Blistex I normally use.
In my grocery bag most things are reduced fat, or no fat, when all I really want is a tub of Ben and Jerry's and a big bottle of Coke. For a time in my early twenties I lived on blue Powerade and Cheese and Bacon balls, now I can't put a chip in my mouth without feeling guilty.
I never had to dress to impress, I just act my crazy self and never spent longer than a few weeks without getting laid. I do the same today and more than likely I'm in a cab talking crap to the driver and ending up in my bed alone.
Now I find I just can't depend on my personality or my quirkiness or my loudness or my care free attitude to life. Now things are just so much more complicated, there are rules to abide by, clothes that I can't wear anymore, and certain ways to act, to impress.
Dating game phase 2 - 'what have I gotten myself into?'
Yours Truly,
Miss A.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Dumped
I broke the most important rule of dating on the weekend, the 3-day rule. I sent that dreaded text message to my 'date' on Sunday, a day after we met up. I didn't get a reply.
There was a gross feeling in the bottom of my stomach, telling me I shouldn't send it, but me being so stubborn talked myself into believing that it was ok, it's 2011, and us gals should not have to abide by dating rules, sex rules, games for that matter!
When 20mins passed, I told myself that he was perhaps driving or at the beach, when 4hours passed, I told myself that he had left his phone at home, and then after that, I think I felt pretty bad and blamed the whole epic fail of my attempt to get back into the world of dating on myself.
I blamed my lack of care factor in what I wore, summer dress and thongs, well I guess it would've been ok to meet up with your friends, perhaps not a first-time meet with someone you don't know who you could potentially hook up with. If only I bought those shoes I saw shopping before I had to meet him.
Then I blamed that damned hair of mine that just won't look good unless you spend some time with it, why didn't I just pop down the road the Korean hairdressers and got my hair done for a mere $35.
Why didn't I make it dinner rather than an afternoon catch up so I could properly prepare.
The list goes on.
The thing is, I never thought that I could even feel this way, after watching a movie and getting home at 11.30pm, still constantly checking my phone, I actually felt like I have been dumped without even being dumped! The feeling of rejection, of not knowing what actually happened, it was just horrendous.
This morning, I nearly took a mental health day, I could not get out of bed at all, it was quite a struggle.
I really don't know if this whole dating thing is for me, I really didn't realise how important first impressions are!
I must be the only one that so terrible at this whole game that men and women play.
A friend said to me in shock,
"he put a shirt on for you and you turn up in thongs!"
Yours Truly,
Miss A
There was a gross feeling in the bottom of my stomach, telling me I shouldn't send it, but me being so stubborn talked myself into believing that it was ok, it's 2011, and us gals should not have to abide by dating rules, sex rules, games for that matter!
When 20mins passed, I told myself that he was perhaps driving or at the beach, when 4hours passed, I told myself that he had left his phone at home, and then after that, I think I felt pretty bad and blamed the whole epic fail of my attempt to get back into the world of dating on myself.
I blamed my lack of care factor in what I wore, summer dress and thongs, well I guess it would've been ok to meet up with your friends, perhaps not a first-time meet with someone you don't know who you could potentially hook up with. If only I bought those shoes I saw shopping before I had to meet him.
Then I blamed that damned hair of mine that just won't look good unless you spend some time with it, why didn't I just pop down the road the Korean hairdressers and got my hair done for a mere $35.
Why didn't I make it dinner rather than an afternoon catch up so I could properly prepare.
The list goes on.
The thing is, I never thought that I could even feel this way, after watching a movie and getting home at 11.30pm, still constantly checking my phone, I actually felt like I have been dumped without even being dumped! The feeling of rejection, of not knowing what actually happened, it was just horrendous.
This morning, I nearly took a mental health day, I could not get out of bed at all, it was quite a struggle.
I really don't know if this whole dating thing is for me, I really didn't realise how important first impressions are!
I must be the only one that so terrible at this whole game that men and women play.
A friend said to me in shock,
"he put a shirt on for you and you turn up in thongs!"
Yours Truly,
Miss A
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Besties
One of the highlights of my recent holiday was my safari weekend in Madikwe, South Africa. We stayed at Impodimo Game lodge, which boasts 'home to the big five'.
I did see four out of the big five at the reserve but that is a different story. Being out in nature, and experiencing how animals live, it's amazing. My two favourite animals are giraffes and zebras. Both share the same enemies and to my delight I also found out that they are indeed - besties.
When you head out on a safari drive which happens twice a day (morning and night), your guide and tracker will scope out the animals by looking out for fresh tracks. The guide that we got was very experienced and had a whole load of information about anything and everything to do with animals and nature.
For one, there is a reason for a zebra's stripes. When they are in a group and the enemy is trying to focus on one of them as a potential hunt, all of their stripes 'dazzle' the enemy affecting their vision and ability to focus on one of them. How awesome is that!
Besties hanging out - Madikwe Game Reserve
Yours Truly,
Miss A
I did see four out of the big five at the reserve but that is a different story. Being out in nature, and experiencing how animals live, it's amazing. My two favourite animals are giraffes and zebras. Both share the same enemies and to my delight I also found out that they are indeed - besties.
When you head out on a safari drive which happens twice a day (morning and night), your guide and tracker will scope out the animals by looking out for fresh tracks. The guide that we got was very experienced and had a whole load of information about anything and everything to do with animals and nature.
For one, there is a reason for a zebra's stripes. When they are in a group and the enemy is trying to focus on one of them as a potential hunt, all of their stripes 'dazzle' the enemy affecting their vision and ability to focus on one of them. How awesome is that!
Besties hanging out - Madikwe Game Reserve
Yours Truly,
Miss A
Tequila is the answer... or is it?
I have never been on a blind date before, and today was one of those 'first time for everything' days. Yes, indeed, I set out on a date with someone I never met before.
I was such a nervous wreck, much like the time when I needed to get my shots for my travels overseas.
Of course in a situation such as this, I call upon my two trusted friends:
1. Janey
2. Tequila
Well, one of the best advice she could've given was to not have a shot of tequila, well, luckily I was in a position where there wasn't a preferred tequila in sight but that was easily replaced with a few vodka and apples.
The feeling of the unknown is I would say rather weird, when the phone rang and he was in the area I was just about in shambles, an absolute mess.
It was then that I was told of the 'Lemon Law'. You have a thirty minute window where either you or your date can choose to leave once finding out you have met a bit of a dud.
In my case, I didn't need to practise the Lemon Law, and things progressed fine, but not dissimilar to perhaps an interview, you do have the 'd-oh' replays afterwards.
D-oh Replays:
1. I should've paid more attention to my hair when it obviously makes such an impact on my appearance.. first impressions d-oh!
2. Maybe I should have had a better outfit on... damn those first impressions d-oh!
3. Maybe I shouldn't have admitted that I live at home... in my thirty's that's lame d-oh!
Well it's done, but what next?
I have no idea, there are so many rules or lack of rules, who call's who? how long do you leave it? should I play it cool? should the thank-you text be sent, but from who? does he think I look like my profile pic? worst of all ... am I the lemon?
Seems like the dating game has returned... bring it on I say!
Yours Truly,
Miss A
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The flavour explosion
Hi Peeps,
It's been awhile since my last post, and I had every great intention of updating you during my travels though I found it hard to do so. A lot of different reasons really, internet cafe too hard to find, too busy, or not in the right environment. It actually does take me some time to write a post, I must do it the hard way, structuring it my head, finding a subject, a reason to write, a quirky idea.
So I am back in the big smoke, working, stressed out, I've probably aged a little, gained a little more around the waist and everyday I dream about being back in the most perfect place on earth ... Mauritius.
The first few meals I had there, I didn't know what to think, my taste buds were confused, the local food is a mixture of Chinese, Indian and Western flavours. The fried rice is just how I like it, not too oily, not to dry. Then there are curries, different varieties, and they are all absolutely divine.
We were all invited back to a village for some real local food. Dinner was fish masala and roti, and to this day, I can confidently say that it was possibly one of the best meals I have ever had. We were kept in great anticipation as the Mauritians eat quite late, it was possibly 8.30p.m by the time we were called to dinner but it was well worth the wait.
The next big thing in Mauritius is the BBQ, most popular to BBQ is fish, then chicken then sausages. A Mauritian hot dog consists of a bread roll with chicken sausage, coleslaw and chilli, again, what a combination, and probably one of the best hot dogs I've tasted.
For our last night on the island we hosted our own party, we had our own BBQ, some chicken masala, mutton and the highlight of the night, a great catch by first-timer in the deep-sea fishing game - the other Miss A. Marinated by our captain's wife - Mrs. Big Mama, it was an absolute delight.
And a party is not complete without the local Mauritian rum, I prefer Goodwill though our Mauritian friends seem to like Seven Seas. The great thing about this local spirit is that it is so easy to drink, a little TOO easy, and best of all, the next day, it's like you didn't have a bender at all.
So a big cheers to all my new found friends over in Mauritius, the lovely other Miss A, and my bro, for such an amazing holiday. I have so much to say, it's all banked up in that messed up brain of mine, but I am certain that it will arrange itself and I will be able to share with you so much more.
Yours truly,
Miss A.
It's been awhile since my last post, and I had every great intention of updating you during my travels though I found it hard to do so. A lot of different reasons really, internet cafe too hard to find, too busy, or not in the right environment. It actually does take me some time to write a post, I must do it the hard way, structuring it my head, finding a subject, a reason to write, a quirky idea.
So I am back in the big smoke, working, stressed out, I've probably aged a little, gained a little more around the waist and everyday I dream about being back in the most perfect place on earth ... Mauritius.
The first few meals I had there, I didn't know what to think, my taste buds were confused, the local food is a mixture of Chinese, Indian and Western flavours. The fried rice is just how I like it, not too oily, not to dry. Then there are curries, different varieties, and they are all absolutely divine.
We were all invited back to a village for some real local food. Dinner was fish masala and roti, and to this day, I can confidently say that it was possibly one of the best meals I have ever had. We were kept in great anticipation as the Mauritians eat quite late, it was possibly 8.30p.m by the time we were called to dinner but it was well worth the wait.
The next big thing in Mauritius is the BBQ, most popular to BBQ is fish, then chicken then sausages. A Mauritian hot dog consists of a bread roll with chicken sausage, coleslaw and chilli, again, what a combination, and probably one of the best hot dogs I've tasted.
For our last night on the island we hosted our own party, we had our own BBQ, some chicken masala, mutton and the highlight of the night, a great catch by first-timer in the deep-sea fishing game - the other Miss A. Marinated by our captain's wife - Mrs. Big Mama, it was an absolute delight.
And a party is not complete without the local Mauritian rum, I prefer Goodwill though our Mauritian friends seem to like Seven Seas. The great thing about this local spirit is that it is so easy to drink, a little TOO easy, and best of all, the next day, it's like you didn't have a bender at all.
So a big cheers to all my new found friends over in Mauritius, the lovely other Miss A, and my bro, for such an amazing holiday. I have so much to say, it's all banked up in that messed up brain of mine, but I am certain that it will arrange itself and I will be able to share with you so much more.
Yours truly,
Miss A.
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