Don't snoop! EVER!

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, here I am again.  Heartbroken after spending the last two days with Mister.

I called him last Friday, wanting to see him as that day I did a little snooping around.  I shouldn't have but I did.  It's one of those stupid things you do when you have unanswered questions, and today with information so easily available, I just couldn't help myself.  The other thing is that I am a total glutton for punishment.

A brief history.  He has a 'friend' who lives in the States.  A friend who is female and I have gotten used to her name being brought up around family.  Even when we first met, I saw a photo of them on is myspace page but thought nothing of it.  He brought up when we opened the 'x-files' quite briefly that he had a girlfriend who moved to the states so that's why they're not together.

So I had shared a link with his Mum on FB and wanted to check if it worked as I did it outside of the site and used a shared log-in.  When I went to her page, I saw a post from this girl saying that she missed her.  Yeah I got curious but then never thought of it for awhile.  Until it was his cousin's birthday and I went and posted a message on her wall and there she was posting every other day and I couldn't help but scroll down further and further well into March this year and my heart sank.  She was here is Sydney.

From what I saw in her comments, it looks like she stayed at Mister's parents place when he was still there in between homes.  And from further comments, it looks like they also hooked up when she was here.  Nothing like re-igniting old old flames.

Needless to say, I spent the rest of the day anxious, and unsure what to think.

I mean, back in March, I was over him, we were not even speaking.  But seeing how she is now so keen in coming back to Sydney. I felt totally insecure.  Especially since we had that initial talk and he didn't want to commit.

I had movies playing in my head of them hooking up, getting back together.  Him saying his I do's to her.  My obsession mode was running at 200% and it wasn't stopping.  I didn't know what to do.

I really do feel this is something I need to bring up with him.  It all made sense now, he did mention going away to the Hunter Valley in March.  Of course it was with her.  His parent's place only has one room with a bed, of course they shared the same bed.

Closure, I need it so bad.  It's getting worse and I just don't know how to deal with it, what to do.  How can a girl, who has been away from his life for so many years can so easily come back to Sydney and hop straight into his bed?  I am confused. So confused.

I spent the last two days dreaming about it, waking up feeling like crap.  Wanting to bring it up but I didn't.

I don't want to find out when she comes back that it will be her that he will choose.