Garbage Re-named

It started off as being light hearted and humorous in my eyes but I don't see it fit to continue calling him 'Garbage' rather I'd like to refer him to his new name... pretty easily re-named to just Mister.

I actually don't know what in the world is happening between me and Mister.  I feel somewhat drawn to him once more.

Dinner now becoming dinners, catch-up to catch-ups.

I am trying not to inject anymore emotion into whatever we are but I can't help it.  But the owner of first moves is not him anymore, it's me.  I am the one that sends him the text asking him what he is doing because I am in the area, asking him if he is free for dinner this week.  But regardless of who calls who, I look forward to seeing him now, whereas before I had a feeling of dread in my stomach.

I actually like being around him and it is fast becoming scary.  I try and remember how much he made me cry and how much he broke my heart but that memory doesn't last for long, as happier memories seem to take over stronger and quicker.  I remember all the nice things he used give me, breakfasts in bed, dinners in bed, conversations in bed that would last for hours and hours.

I am not sure what I am supposed to do right now?

Not so good Thai food

If I could nominate one cuisine in abundance in Sydney, I would say Thai.

There are the creme de la creme with the likes of Chat Thai and Spice I Am, and then there are the nice and passable ones, edible and ok if you are stuck for a place to eat or on a budget.  Places like Thai Lemon Grass, Best Thai or notable chains such as Thairrific all pass and normally get the tick of approval.

However...

Last night on recommendation from a few peeps, I went and had Thai at my local pub.  The Pad Thai was quoted as "amazing", the pork belly "is just delicious", and the Thai food there is just "gorgeous".

So I ditched the gym, felt a little guilty as I had only went once this week but shrugged it off as I would be walking from Redfern station to home, en-route the pub - which will take all up around thirty minutes.

I was tossing up either the soft shell crab or pad thai, and decided on a pad thai with a side of crab and prawn spring rolls.

The food came out in less than ten minutes and I was impressed.

The spring rolls had a little furry texture around it, makes me think they were deep fried in a pastry not usually used for spring rolls, I have had something like this before so I wasn't alarmed.  But it tasted weird, it didn't taste like crab or prawn but a weird mush of something I couldn't quite put my finger on.  The dipping sauce was as thick and sweet as jam with an oniony consistency that stuck to the insides of my teeth.  Not impressed.

The pad thai had massive wedges of capsicum and onion in it and even though the noodles were cooked correctly, the sauce was sweet, sticky and I am positive it had been cooked with tomato sauce.

There is no other way to describe it but it actually was pretty gross.  Someone ordered chicken and cashew and it came out drowned in a sauce concoction that looked just like watery oyster sauce.  I tasted half a spring roll that was vegetarian and was glad I didn't take the whole lot.

Overall a major disappointment.  I walked home sulking, feeling sick and kicking myself for not going to the gym then buying mince pork at the supermarket for a nice home cooked meal of steamed pork, topped with coriander and freshly cut chilli on a bed of rice.  That would have cost me around $5 not the $27 that I spent at the dodgy Thai joint.

I went home and microwaved popcorn to make me feel better, watched half an episode of Sons of Anarchy and went to bed sulking, feeling totally sick in the guts.

Yours truly,

Miss A.

He's back

I think I am back to square one.

It has been hard to avoid all of his calls and texts to meet up for dinner but I gave in and now garbage is back in my life.

I think about him everyday and it has disrupted my world and tipped it upside down, churned it around and dumped it right in the pit of my stomach where I will feel angst all day and night.

I asked him why he has done this as it is not fair on me, in which he replied, "I don't know, I just want you around"

So unfair, to call me as he feels and leave me hanging in which he replied, "I don't even have time for most people and I make time for  you"

I would rather not have this feeling in my stomach just so I could have moment or two of caress, closeness and intimacy.  But I went there and feel punished with the constant feeling of anxiety, unable to do anything but think of him and play in my head, the movie of how I am seeing us in the future.

Geez, I am too old for fantasies when it comes to love, I crave the real thing and have brought up a sense of hope for us again... if only, if only, if only.

Time's ticking away, should I pursue or should I again, once more begin the long winded task of trying to forget, only to receive a phone call once more - because he still wants me in his life.

I wish it would get through to his thick head - I just can't be what he wants me to be - whatever it is that I am to him.

Yours truly,

Miss A.