I want to give up

It's coming up to two years now since the break up and I am still hanging on.

I wish that I could give up on him but something won't let me.

It hurts me when I am speaking to him on the phone and he tells me that he is going home because there is nothing else to do and that he is bored.  I wonder why he wouldn't call me then if the reason why he doesn't is because he is too busy.

I am not sure we are on the same page.  More and more I am thinking that he has no intentions at all of giving us another chance that what I am to him is just an easy way to pass the time and an easy phone call to get laid.

I know. I know. I am totally repeating myself.  I must try and try again to stop this stupid thing we have going.

But how can I?  For even if he doesn't feel the same way, the time that I spend with him makes up for all the time I don't spend with him.  Even for one small moment in time in comparison to every other time, I feel wanted and I am not alone.

Is him saying that I am not just a booty call to him just another way of him stringing me along? Him playing games?

Why don't I have the strength to just move on.

I am scared.

Of him being with someone else.  And of me being alone.