Reluctantly she let's him go

He took the last straw this weekend that just past.  It came to a point where I could not justify myself putting so much energy and thought into him.  I kept telling myself he is 28.  When I was 28 I didn't know what I wanted either.  All I cared about were my friends and making sure I didn't miss out on anything social.  I went to every party I was invited to, and every gig, every festival and every shin dig both big and small - even if I didn't really know the hosts.  I just didn't want to miss out.

Last night when I didn't even get a reply, not even to say he didn't feel like leaving his house or making plans, I knew it was it.  I could not put myself through another bout of depression, anxiety and disappointment. Enough was enough.

I am still confused as to why and how someone could be so unreliable, with such lack of respect for other people, or maybe it is just me he is doing this to.  He knows how I feel about him so he takes it for granted, knowing I will always welcome him back with open arms.

So many times I wanted to text him today and I didn't.  Every time my phone vibrated, I always wished it was him.

But I know this.  I need to believe that I can get through this.  I feel like I am going through a break up even though we never even really had anything to break up with in the first place.

The knots in my belly, the burning deep within my guts, it's not as bad as the day before, and tomorrow and even the next day, I know it will gradually subside.

I am sighing inside me.  Oh well.

Hey.  Yes, I find you very hot, your blue eyes amazing, your abs delicious.  But I don't deserve to be treated like I don't matter to you, someone that can be ignored or spoken to when it suits you, you have treated my time with such disrespect and with no consideration at all.  No matter how much I like you as a person, how much I think we get along, how much we have in common, and how my feelings for you have been so strong, I just have to believe you took me for granted.  You don't deserve me at all.  I gave you so many chances, more than I have with anyone else.  But I need to stay true to me and so with this I will have to say, see you later my little hottie.