Hello - is it me you're looking for?

I just can't shake it.  Everywhere I turn there is someone pregnant or someone getting married or someone getting a promotion.

Is this what it feels like to be stuck in a rut?  Is Sydney the rut I need to get out of?

I know I haven't been at my job for that long but I am already feeling so unhappy.  I wonder if my line of work is for me.  I don't know how much more I can stand of the micro-managing, the controlling, the psychotic behaviour of a small business owner freak.  A week spent on arguing over the size of a headline font with the client could have been better spent on working and growing other clients and getting other jobs over the line.  That is how this controlling CEO behaves.  And then suddenly he will change his mind again and again and again and again.  If I should send something to the client I will get in trouble and if I don't I also get in trouble.  I truly believe he thinks that people can read his mind.

And then there is the situation of Mister.  He drives me insane when he calls and when he doesn't.  He drives me even further up the wall when he doesn't answer my text messages.  I know I am not supposed to call him and I am trying so, so, so hard not to, but alas I am not so strong willed.  I confronted him about that girl who he caught up with, in which he replied 'don't believe what your mind is telling you, it angers you' though didn't reply to me saying 'i try, but it's hard when you see stuff you don't want to see'

I nearly made it to a week without contact.  Next week maybe I will aim for two weeks.

And then there is my constant wondering.  Who else is out there for me?  Many people have said to me that you don't have one great love, that there are many.  But what of time catching up with you?
Getting older and everyone you see seems to just get younger.

What am I to do?

I still dream of meeting someone on the train, being bumped on the street, baskets clinking in the aisle of a supermarket or just sharing the same love for cheese at the growers markets.

Or do I just have to accept what is reality? Online dating, speed dating, singles nights and tacky bars and pubs?  Even so I have done all of it and received one night with an arrogant Italian and his small penis.