Reconnecting

One side of my heart kept telling me it was a big mistake but the other side of my heart was telling me I can do it, and out of curiosity, I needed to know if he would reply and talk to me.

That's right, so Mister returns once more and is back in my life again.  This is probably a big disaster waiting to happen and goes to show how I either need drama in my life or I am a glutton for punishment.

To think how hard it was to actually get myself to stop thinking about him, two shags, a pash and a random phone number later, he crept back into my mind but thankfully the door to my heart is still firmly locked.

I now approach this situation with caution.  He wanted to catch up one night but I said I was heading home, in which he then asked what I was doing because he was bored, but I didn't reply.

Yesterday he sent me another text, asking if I wanted to catch up.  I sent a reply asking him if he sent that message to me by mistake.  So we met up for dinner, didn't speak about what happened when we stopped talking, instead we just picked up where we last left off, as if nothing had happened in between and it was just time that had passed between us.

After dinner, he started to head towards his place, I stopped and said I was going home.  He seemed surprised and casually said 'boring'.  I guess he thought I would automatically want to head back to his place, chill out, talk and eventually just fall into each others arms and end up in bed having sex.  Even though it could very well have not been the case, I didn't want to leave it up to chance.

The big question is why.  Why did I end up sending him an email reconnecting after so many months?
I was doing so well.

Since the departure of Mr Sexting from my life, the closure of my online dating profile (too many weirdos), and my need to stay in to save money, the pool has once again dried up.  And with one particular 'candidate' left on the scene, this candidate has not 'performed' or acted in the way that I find is enough for me.  Yes sure enough he seems keen, but I don't hear from him unless I text him first, or if I wait, my stomach will just end up in knots waiting and waiting so I, most of the time, will end up texting and casually asking him how he is.

That leaves candidate and Mister on the scene, and with candidate being quiet on his end, and Mister wanting to catch up, I suppose that's the reason why I said yes.

And today I think to myself that maybe I need to once again put myself out there in the online space, but with Mr Sexting being active on the two big sites, I dare not make myself public to his eyes.

Sigh.

What to do. I want to text the candidate but a part of me needs to know if he is indeed truly interested.
So I'm trying to play by 'The Rules'.

And The Rules really suck.