The apple stays on the tree

Whenever I am presented with temptation I always think of Adam and Eve, and the apple.

I had my second date with the married man.  In between the first and the second date I couldn't stop fantasising about him.  It would take over my day, on the train, during meetings at work, and even in bed, I would think about him and imagine what it would be like to be with him as I fell asleep.

But no matter how much I wanted to dream about him, it would never happen.  Perhaps it was a sign?

On the day that we planned to meet, for some reason something in me clicked, or maybe I had over obsessed to a point where he actually started to turn me off.

I started to think of the negatives, he took me to a place where he said were the best margaritas in the Southern Hemisphere.  He was very wrong.  The margaritas were watery and much too sour.  And then he kept going on and on and on about this one place to get pizza but it shut early during the week and I have heard reports that they have been struggling - probably due to bad positioning and not being able to open at nights.  This restaurant was in a shopping centre, it was not exactly the best spot to be hosting what's meant to be the best pizza in town.  But I trusted him, more so than the margaritas, he was Italian, and he would know best about his home cuisine.

But I guess what really happened was that after the initial cheekiness and naughtiness of it all, the idea of an older married man stopped appealing to me.  I started to look at him differently.  How deceitful he was, how selfish he was behaving and how much I didn't respect him at all.

To top it all off, during our second date at a high end cocktail bar, his arrogance came out.  He wasn't very friendly to the bar tender or the cocktail waitress, and he acted like he was above them.  I noticed another thing, he kept repeating himself and if I didn't start on a new topic, he repeated what he had already told me.  He told me how nice it was to see me again about five or six times.  What happened to the fun night we had initially?  The endless flow of conversation, how easy it was to talk and just be.  Did I really find out all about him in one night?  Was there nothing else he could have brought up or said or told me?  Not even with the decade of living he had ahead of me?

Lack of conversation, his arrogance, how I have come to notice him as being a creature of nature, not living outside the box.  Not deal breaking I know, but after obsessing about him for a week, maybe I just had enough.  He obviously didn't live up to how I imagined him to be.  It was definitely for the better - a grateful gift in disguise.

I made up an excuse, said I had an exhausting day and I really needed to go.  After he suggested to have dinner, I declined and said next time.  He still tried and said one more drink at another bar, but I still said no.  I had made up my mind and wanted to get out of there as soon as I can.

I politely went to the ladies and returned the Candidate's missed call I saw on my phone earlier on.  He offered to come and pick me up from my 'work drinks' and I accepted.  It was raining heavily after all.

I promised the married guy I would make it up to him, and that next time we would have the best fun and I would not be so tired.  When I kissed him goodbye on the cheek, the thought of having to kiss his other cheek, the second kiss, was grossing me out.  I couldn't believe how fast and what a u-turn I had made with how I felt about him.  You can't really help your feelings, and I even though I was glad it ended up this way, I still don't know how I came to these emotions so suddenly after a week of day dreams and smiles.

That night I stopped obsessing.  And I think he got the message also.  I still think of him at times, but I am happy I never picked that apple.

Darlinghurst Douche

I got a random text message from one of the random numbers I had gotten whilst on the margaritas one night.

Two months later he wanted to catch up for a drink.  I thought to myself why not?  

I actually didn't really want to but I also did want to find out or remind myself what he looked like and if I had a chance of finding him interesting.

The day came and I met him on Oxford Street, he was late.  We went up to Ching-a-lings and he ordered a bottle of wine.

We ran out of things to talk about in - oh let's say - five minutes.  And this is me being generous.  Luckily we were both in the same industry so he could bitch about work.  When we didn't talk about work, it was awkward and I struggled to find things to talk about.  So I just started dropping random comments and talking about the first thing that came to mind.  Conversation was hard and trying.

I am sure I was out of there in around half and hour, he had some friends waiting for him up the road.  

Bad, bad date.

I walked away and laughed when he said he would keep in touch.

All I kept thinking about was how I wasted my time with this douche who was actually even too boring to be a douche.  I could have gone to the gym and lost four hundred calories.

Then I did it.

I called Mister and he was more than happy to come up and meet me.

He let me hang on to him as we walked to Spice I Am to order takeaway Thai in my heeled boots.

He called me when I got home to make sure I was ok and that I enjoyed my dinner.

OK - so he is not top of mind, but I think he may be slowly climbing up.

Taken

There was something very important that I didn't know about my date last week.

I may have had a hunch but I didn't read his profile so I didn't know.

We met up in Surry Hills, when he saw me he stood up and gave me an European kiss hello.

As we sat down for a margarita, I was instantly drawn to him, he's a lot older but yet he still made me laugh.  We talked about anything and everything ranging from fashion to politics to religion and philosophy.

When we left and went walking on the street he held out his arm so that I could hold onto it, he saw me in heels, and he made sure I didn't trip.  He opened the passenger door before his and shut the door for me before heading over to the drivers seat.

When was the last time someone did that for me? Maybe when I pulled up outside the casino, or greeted at a five start hotel or fine dining restaurant, but never on a date.

But then he told me the news. And my hunch was right.  He had a wife and a son at home.  From that point I didn't know what to say.  Rather just blurted, 'what are you doing out with me then?'

Whatever was going on with him at home, the truth, perhaps he didn't tell.  He said home was like living with his best friend, and that they had both lost the spark in their relationship but needed to keep the family unit together for their son.

However, I still felt a strong attraction to him, his accent, they way he presented himself, dressed and walked.  When we sat on a lounge sipping wine, I could feel the heat between us, and I felt comfortable leaning ever so slightly by him, barely touching as I kept my cool and just carried on with conversation.  Inside I just kept thinking that this was a bad idea but why am I so excited by it all?

Then back at home I couldn't stop imagining what it would be like to be with him, not so much that he was married but more so that he was older.  There was a different kind of presence about him from the other guys I have recently met up with.  It felt like he was established, knew what he wanted, with life experiences - he could pretty much do whatever he wanted.

I think that's what I was drawn to.  It wasn't about trying to get somewhere, it wasn't about big life plans or career goals, or even having no goals at all.  It was like there was no sense of wonder, he already knew who he was.

That was I got out of the few hours we spent together anyway.

So we said bye, no late night pash, no sneaky hands exploring each other in a quiet, dark street.  Rather I think it would be safer to leave all of that stored in my imagination.

This could never work out.  Even if I did go there and end up being with him, only once, I dread to think how I would feel afterwards.  Would I feel guilty? Or would I just feel like I would want more, to see him again?

Now I know what it's like to be presented with the forbidden fruit.  Having to decide between what is the right thing to do and not knowing really if it is the right thing or not.  It's true it's not right in society's eyes, but what about being true to what feels right between two people?