The return of garbage

I moved into my new apartment today.  And it wasn't without it's dramas.

The deal with living in a large apartment complex which I shall now refer to as the compound, has a tonne of rules and regulations which I guess ensures there is order in the village.  There are nearly 20,000 apartments in the compound, equipped with a fairly large gym, two pools - one indoor and out, tennis courts, basketball courts and 24 hour security.  And by security, I mean ones that are generally not very pleasant and with an attitude to boot.

But I am in there now giving it a go, see how long it takes before I start yelling security - or shall I say building management.

Other news connected with this move.... you remember the subject of garbage?  Well it took me awhile to get him out of my head.  It was a lot of hard work.  Not seeing him, not replying to his texts, resisting the urge to meet up with him.  Finally after a lot of persistence on his part, I finally said yes.

Last Friday I went out and had dinner with him, and after that we went to a house party.  It was fun and we got a little tipsy together, something we had rarely even done when we were in a relationship.  He was nice and wanted to do things I enjoyed, like have a shot of tequila, something we had never done together.  Though it may be that during the time in which we were dating, I hadn't found love in tequila yet.  Let's just say that we, tequila and I, had never been properly introduced.

It may also have been great timing, when I got approval on the apartment last week I mentioned it in conversation and he offered to help.  I wasn't about to say no, especially after footing out a months rent and bond in advance.

Now comes the bad part, ever since we had dinner, caught up, had fun, I haven't been able to get him back out of my head.  And once again, he started on his hot and cold treatment.  Last week he acted like he wanted to hang out with me and enjoyed my company and then today during the move, it was the complete opposite.

I am weirded out.  I cannot handle this confusion in my life once again.  And I am dreading the hard work it's going to take to remove him once more from my head and from my life.

It had come to a point, just recently, that if he ever did come back into my life, I thought it would be easy not to feel anything, especially since I have moved on, had a few flings and played around in the dating scene again.

But I was wrong.  It's not that easy, and I wonder how and more importantly why, after such a long time, after months and months of getting over him and feeling safe about all feelings gone, have they now emerged.

Tequila can't help me this time.  I went to tequila after dinner with him but I was not alone.

Tequila is his friend too.

Yours truly,

Miss A.