My Bestie told me the best way to forget about Mister is to apply the theory of 'out of sight, out of mind'.
Easier said than done.
A few weekends ago, Mister confirmed to me that he cannot commit, that he doesn't have the mental or physical capacity to be able to spend every spare moment of his time with me. BUT - I meant more to him than a booty call and that he doesn't know what is going to happen in the future. That what I am asking of him he will not make a decision on - NOW.
Whatever that is, to me it means he wants his cake and eat it too. He wants to be able to call me up when he wants (which is not that often seeing as I am doing all of the calling at the moment).
Well I have tried to put into practice this 'Out of Sight, Out of Mind' theory. And I just keep trying and trying. I delete all of his emails, his text messages and make plans that won't involve him, but I always come to a situation where I want to call him.
Here are some examples:
1. Great hip hop gig on this Sunday - none of my friends like hip hop except for him
2. I left my keys at home with flatmates not returning home till late - need to kill some time
3. I am thinking of making a few purchases on eBay - I need to ask him some questions
4. I have a voucher for a restaurant near his place - I may as well invite him
5. It's 3am and there are no cabs - I should see if he is up and if I can stay over
I mean, totally ridiculous reasons I know.
Everyday I see another friend getting married or having a baby and I just think to myself 'geez and here I am holding onto a whole lot of freaking garbage that will not give me what i want!'
How do I let go when the feelings don't allow it?
Keep playing these stupid mind games with myself, to-ing and fro-ing of dumb emotions that just won't quit! It's been nearly two years since the break-up, he has moved on, he has progressed with promotions, a new found independence, new group of friends and just living the dream.
As for me?
We are at totally opposite ends of the spectrum.
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