Every time I head over to the Casino I always think back to the time when I had a gambling problem. It all started when I had a boy-friend/fiancé that I couldn't get rid of. He made me turn on my family and made me fight with my brother so we didn't speak to each other for six months. It is a strong word but I hated him, and I hated being so distant from my family even though we all lived in the same house. I kicked this fiancé out of the house numerous times, bags packed, ute filled, but within a few hours he would always return and force me into 'make-up' sex, even when I didn't want it.
So I turned to the only place I knew I could be alone and that was the Casino. It was always open and always welcomed me and best of all, it left me alone. I never drank, and I never went with anyone, I just went with my bank card and a fist full of cash.
I realised I had a problem when I entered the Casino one Monday morning at about 7am with $5,000 in green hundred dollar bills. I left at 7.15am with nothing but the feeling of defeat and the dread that I would have to again go home to this disgusting person asleep in my bed. It was always depressing having to leave and head back to harsh reality. I remember winning a substantial amount a few times, but I never collected as I didn't want to leave and return to the real world, so I played it until I had nothing left.
And there it started, I even told the fiancé where I was and he didn't care, he came with me a few times but all he did was spend my money. After awhile he got the message that I really didn't want him around and he finally moved out. By then I was already in too deep and I couldn't stop. ATM's were too slow to release my cash, I would go into the bank to withdraw a big chunk at a time.
But I knew I had to stop, no matter what I did, hide my cards, cancel my credit cards, I always found a way to get cash. Pretty soon all of my investments went and I then dipped into savings. And when that went, I applied for credit cards. I found friends that I could gamble with and I thought it was a whole lot of fun.
But when friends had enough and went home, when bars closed up for the night, my self-destruct button clicked on and I would always end up at the casino. Within a year I probably gambled a deposit on a house, some weekends I would gamble the equivalent of a flight to Europe. I just didn't care. I was so angry.
After one very disastrous weekend, I had absolutely nothing left. I felt sick in the guts for gambling the most I have ever done in only three days. I was up to my eye balls in debt. I couldn't do it anymore. Then something clicked and I thought to myself this was stupid, I needed to get a grip and stop it. This secret I kept to myself I couldn't keep in any longer. So I confided in a friend. He told me I wasn't alone, he said he knew other people in my position but he told me to just accept it and move on, money can be replaced but you don't want to lose your friends and family. He supported me and didn't judge me for what I had been doing.
I don't know how I did it but I did. It had a lot to do with changing lifestyle choices and my social circle. I had to stop hanging around people that gambled with me, because when they went home, I continued on. I scrounged up enough money for an overseas trip.
I haven't gambled in nearly two years now and I have been back to the casino so many times since then, but only for drinks and to have a good time with friends with no desire at all to have a punt or flutter.
I haven't gambled in nearly two years now and I have been back to the casino so many times since then, but only for drinks and to have a good time with friends with no desire at all to have a punt or flutter.
I am still paying the price for what I did a few years ago, but I thank my lucky stars that even though my financial position is hard, it is manageable. I don't have savings but I can still have a good time with friends, go on holidays and buy myself a pair of shoes if I want to. It is my choice now to rebuild my financial portfolio again and get back on my feet. I get down on myself now and then about what I did with all my savings but all I can do is just breath and try again. I keep telling myself at least I am not gambling anymore.
I feel so liberated to be able to walk into the casino with my wallet and all credit cards in-tact without the urge to even put a gold coin in the machines.
If anyone has a gambling problem, don't feel defeated should you seek help with friends, family or even the help line. It's not something to be ashamed of, it's an addiction that can be conquered and won.
Yours truly,
Miss A.
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