My 'follow up' review was this afternoon. And even though I was totally prepared to come out of that meeting room unemployed, it didn't stop my heart from beating through my chest, so hard I could feel it in my head.
I remembered when I was made redundant a few years ago, I broke down, cried, poured my heart out to people who didn't care. They gave me a cab charge, and I had to leave immediately. By the time I got to my desk, my computer was locked, I walked away in shame even though I did nothing wrong.
Today was different. I went in proud and stood my ground, told them I disagreed with their comments and told them I knew I was good at my job. She was shaking, and didn't make eye contact, nervous, the first time I have ever seen her like that. It lasted less than five minutes, I smiled and said 'this agency wasn't for me anyway'.
I walked out without a tear in my eye and felt a sense of freedom and relief but also scared, no job in three weeks, my last pay will mostly be eaten up by negative leave I have to pay back.
My best friend has been with me the whole time, she read through my contract and told me my rights, she gave me the confidence to go in there and believe in myself when times like this I would normally doubt my own worth, capabilities and value.
This I hope will be my last awful multi-national agency experience, for an agency that claims to have been around awhile, it definitely shows. Conservative, old-fashioned, followers of trends and trying to catch up with everyone else after they have already left and moved on.
Onwards and upwards, a new door to open, one brighter, happier and much more creative, one where I am happy to open and one where I can go to work and smile, laugh and just be around inspiration and innovation.
I feel like 2011 has just begun.
Yours Truly,
Miss A.
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